7/16

Today I handed in the visa application to those grim faceted staffs at the German Center, and exchanged a few superficial words with my would-be classmates - 5 of them girls, who talk a lot, and the other boy, who barely talks. Among them, a fully Asian, Han Chinese girl with make-up so thick, presumably in the 0.2mm - 0.3mm range, appeared in front of me like a Caucasian with level 3 chloroazotic acid burnt face. What would be, then, of my 3-year undergraduate study in Germany? Would it be like it was boasted on the forum when I deliberately searched for it, that it has better equipment, Mbps Internet in every dorm room, that the students study there are academic and elaborate on issues of a decent person's interest. For as far as I can see, what I found are a bunch of paper tigers unusually communicative and yet and at the same time reserved about each other - hey, I'm an international kind of guy, I'm not able to speak my hometown dialect, I went to New Mexico for high school, and look at you and you and you and you, how debase you dress code is, how vagabond your faith is. And I told them I have my iPhone dropped into the toilet, and we laughed for a second because it's common sense now that I should fetch a new iPhone. But nevertheless, we're the seekers, majoring in those fields with big titles - Integrated Social Sciences, Global Economics and Management, International Logistics Management and all, for not we aspire to advance the human knowledge, spread the vision of the less privileged, but a job in the middle-income-ish area, and a life that is judged by not us as successful and worthy of living. At least that's where it's going, in Germany or United States, or in China, paying big money, so we have the money to pay for other moneys, identical to those screen magnet in the metro cabin, laughing viciously about a neurotic proclaiming the establishment of a republic, and the necessity of modernization. The neurotic, unconscious of himself, have visions in his half-dream to become memorable, although his platform non-place, his audience unaffected, he's got something to be firmly believing in, while those of us laughing at him, only laugh because he's different from normal and that it would be bizarre if I don't laugh while other people do. Yeah, being different, not to become a genius or mastermind or anything close to it, but to become a neurotic sneered at by some other people who think they are normal. What would I become, my stillness on the seat can be interpreted as numbness, my eloquence of speech can be thought of as pretension, my purchase of laptop and pencil is squandering. There's no distinction between the normal and the neurotic, the only thing that separates them apart is the amount of cash you have - the son of China's richest person spent 20 RMB for an online game disc, and he ended up getting it for free and delivered by 8 beautiful girls lined up around him. While I, exploit the money from my father's labor, my mom's gullibility, and spend it with a secret guilt for a study material I'm supposed to have, eventually have to deal with postage delays, screen defects and attitudes. Hahaha, the laughter of the shadowy person inside my brain sounds just like the laughter of the neurotic person on the metro - he dared to let it out, and I was the otherwise.