Because I was instilled with a new kind of hope, I allowed myself to gauge 2 bags of Taiwan-imported Uni-president ramen noodles. It's always fun to cook things. I'd like to have them refrigerated, so the sauce, the powder, the beef packet can be easily expelled. Multi vitamins pills, aspirin, noodles constitute nearly everything of my hideous life.
I was admitted into Jacobs University with a pretty decent financial aid, though the frequency with which the loans appears might be unsettling, overall I just need to pay less than 20,000 euro per year. It's still not a number I can afford, but with the begrudging help from my adorable-occurring cousins, and the die-hard money making burst from my father, I'm at least able to brace myself. Although the ability and the legitimacy of purchasing the new Razer Blade laptop will come to question. But now, things are a bit different. While past experience tells me nothing is a safety with financial needs, the policy that stipulates graduates must work for the Singaporean government for 6 years should they received support for their college education is reassuring. I don't have to learn German to stay there anymore. My bottom line is unchanged throughout the struggle for going out - I must avoid China. And Singapore is an awesome replacement.
I downloaded a list of books into iBooks. But I just can't settle for any of those. To me, to dip myself into words or literature is to dip myself into escapism. And every time the reality becomes appealing, my interest in reading decreases sharply. That might explain why the rich and the poor coexist in harmony - the rich has pursuit in reality, and the poor has pursuit in fiction. But it is beyond doubt that both of them have pursuit in alibis.
April Fools' Day was feeble - every year on that day false alert becomes prevalent on website without the need to be concerned about legal disputes. And me and Gao and various other shady people always expect their own false alert - no such thing has ever showed up. When it comes to career or future or prospect or capitalist market, everything is serious, including on April Fools' Day. Now even that has past. I don't know if I should be happy of the fleeting nature of time or be the otherwise. I won't hear decision from NUS until the middle of May. But I will one day feel exactly the same as I'm feeling right now. People call it greed; I call it nature.
When I was out sending the supporting documents to Jacobs, I got to read the posters near the construction site. It seems a large mall will soon show up for a while until it's demolished.
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What is Wuxi No.3 Senior High School? A second rate school in a second rate city. What if someone in that school pops up and applies for Harvard? That must be with misrepresentation and total bookishness. Like the way I substitute cherries for potatoes, people might as well substitute crane operator for investment banker. When I sit on the perennial chair and browse through the lecture delivered by President Xi Jinping, and Alipay being strangled by the big 4 national banks of China, a slight sense of alienation coupled with a remote but distinct disgust flooded past me. I was, in every perspective, an unprofessional. I change my decisions as often as it suits me, and adapt to dismay so expeditiously that I myself am left behind. I take every trauma, every dire situation objectively, behaving like a flesh machinery seeking whatever prestigious as meaning. I'm not even allowed to deplore the external way of appearance I maintained, because "Hey, your father is smart and bad at people skills. Your father takes money as breeze doesn't mean you should too. And if you did, guess what, we are not going to donate 5000 RMB a month to an idiot!" Therefore, with my secrets betrayed to the admissions people, dignity to the relative people, what's left in me are residues, accumulated at the bottom of a cup, lurking to cause some harm when some new guy dares to drink with it. I fear, no, I recognize I'm not longer the one to discuss the relationship between academic rigor and quality with total strangers on the internet, to post anti- and pro-nationalist comments below YouTube videos. I'm just the one sleeping and eating and reading pretentiously, shaking occasionally when tragic or shockingly good imagination emerges in my head. Because, I've got a hold of English, I began to switch to Japanese songs like I did English ones when I was in the first year of junior middle school. Singing along every song every piece of melody I deem potent in attracting females, without knowing lyrics or even how to pronounce them.
When I wake up in the morning to find myself alive, a part of me secretly becomes eager to discover my mom dead on the floor. Or I jump out of a window, just in order to add a little something to the kind of life I am having. I take a Xanax pill and recover in a millisecond, then I spit it out because Xanax is addictive. As a result I'm running low on ammo now. And this morning in particular, a not so beautiful-19-year-old girl asked me to be her sister. Her crush on me and my disdain for everything except for supernaturally hot girls made me unresponsive. I understand the impact unresponsiveness can incur to someone in love. But I can't help doing it. After all, I'm the same type of creature. Your love is not my business, my love, however, is yours. Innate egotism is worth being branded a noble trait.
It might be necessary to let people experience the life of their sympathy. Just a thought.
There's a total amount of 2,928.00 RMB in my now 68-year-old father's rural commercial bank account, and he all gave it to me. Judged by what he's doing, it's rather impertinent of me to go after bullocks dream like that. I'm ambitious, talented, and courageous. But who's not? Yeah, indeed, who's not?
