It's really sunny now. I just pulled the curtain to the side. I remember in the first year of high school, during the break between two classes, I would like to sing "enjoy the sun, enjoy the sunshine". My classmates resting on the steps ahead me would follow "enjoy the sun, enjoy the sunshine". And together we repeated it a thousand times. The study was all about exams and preparation for exams, and it is one of the ploy I picked up to make the process seem a bit more sarcastically alive. However, the simplicity and the willpower of being entitled to genuinely smile have been lost in me. I prefer the whiteness of skin to the enjoyment of sun. To my amaze, I did not write after masturbation or intend to masturbate after writing, and I'm having so much on page. With hideous grammatical and even more hideous auto-correct spelling error that don't exist because I don't go back to it after I've finished, a bizarre sense of settlement arises. The crane rotating, the grandma who takes me to the wonton shop inexplicably expensive out in the street, the pervert father, and the jailbroken iOS 7.0.6 with various tweaks installed, and the combination of their very existence seems all so gracious and overwhelming, and the entropy slightly increased its speed of rising as a whirlwind thrilled through the mechanical mind of my brain. "Billie, you're being underestimated." And I wonder if it's better off being underestimated by myself than by a school or anyone else. As it is destined for a beauty to get old, my wisdom has ossified in the course of these months. I got rife with unjust greed and endless regret; I've begun to question my faith without the poignancy of reason, and patronize not only the minds of the evil but also those of the inferior. I constantly chastised my being with rootless and theoretical snobbishness.
I had an idea, possibly profitable but more likely to have been already thought of, and I've forgotten it. Oh, now I've recalled - shutting down the hearing sense with a switch in auditory nerve, ideally with a headband. And Google says somebody has already looked into it. Just like the idea of 3D rotational product preview, which was commercialized long ago, these strange visions always give me the hope of leading to a vast wealth. And often at this time, I get dumbfounded by the collective masterpiece of human intellect.
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There's a saying that the real estate market is shrinking, and people like Li Ka-shing and the owner of the apartment at the third floor are seeking to cash in their asset. I've never known what an economy slowdown would feel like. Ever since I was born, China has been growing at a steady annual rate of 8-10%. However, for now, the structure of social class, the appearance of the city, and the extent to which democracy is authentic are close to being determined. And my life has barely started. Although I'm young and sexually and materially motivated, my life has barely started. And if someone intrudes my room to learn what vitality and disorientation a young person's way of life might bring, he'll definitely see the exact opposite. I'm still, like I was six months earlier, sitting in front of the computer screen and periodically refresh the NUS portal for good or bad news in the college application, while the teapot whose cover was broken when I was six and the bottles of chili and pepper powder standing in juxtaposition, and the Nike+ Fuelband I purchased at my uncle's farm three months ago have all remained in the same radius of 5 meters for as long as they've existed to me. The only thing from which I glance at the flowing of time is the construction site whose progress has accelerated - now I can see bunches of steel bars and red, floor-like material that would function as someone else's ceiling in the future, and weeks ago they were demolishing the frame they've probably, wrongfully built.
There was a draft I wrote early this morning in my iPhone but now I couldn't find it - it was about my queer denunciation of the need of having sex, and the act of continuing despite the obvious redundancy. I was always unusually sexist after masturbation, thinking the female structure pathetic and dilapidated, and the hole ostentatiously grown. But it was only because my inability to contain my own animalistic personality that I blame everything on the female. Although I understand my existence is predicated upon having sexual intercourse, my blatant refusal to do the same as my parents have done is to demonstrate my self-contrived superiority over the rest of human being, while at the same time depending my vital sign on the pumping of my heart and the boo-hoo of my urination.
I got rid of the Facebook vanity URL after transferring the username to a Page. It's literally the most valuable thing I've done today. And I updated the avatars across all my social media sites. But beyond that, the chitchat exchanged between me and Gao and Yuzi is totally unimaginative.
I don't know when this would end - it'll be so heartwarming if my trip to Germany and Singapore will bring me some content. Although the interest rate of the tuition postponement at the German university is 7.75% and the retribution to this investment is ever so uncertain, I'm still eagerly waiting, like my sister waiting for her marriage and my brother waiting for a promotion that would entitle him to work in an office.
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I haven't felt thirst in years, I mean it literally because I always fail to relate to those moment when I'm thirsty, or hungry, or sick, or in need of anything. Those moments are only true when they happened, while other, less conspicuous ones, bore me, therefore, impress me. "I'll be eternal because I'll be remembered - I did all the work at the restaurant, though closing down, without asking for extra money, and life is all about being remembered." Said my father sitting on the chair, reversed. But the cooling down of planets and stars not only carries off the livings that cover it, but also the spiritual convictions that are once firmly believed. What is the process of life? I strive for the pursuit of success and the fulfillment of happiness, I yearn for the shadowy landscape, with roads covered with thick layer of leaves that are never walked, in the books so restlessly published, and at the meantime I demand cash, vehicle and a roof above me. Those are the grand stillness I stuff into my soul for consolation - things durable because they seem so, entertainment in the fictional world for it surprises, and settlement in the reality for it sustains, like the office people returning home from work at an evening subway, obsessed with their cellphone because the people around looking at the phone screens are so entirely despicable.
We see life at its most brutal and complex, and we simplify it with stories told by other people - equally brutal, equally complex, but alien. Life still has to move on - it might be the most universal and adamant belief in the world. Just look over there - the kids are walking to their school; the staffs are walking to their company; and the elders are walking to their park…
-
There's a saying that the real estate market is shrinking, and people like Li Ka-shing and the owner of the apartment at the third floor are seeking to cash in their asset. I've never known what an economy slowdown would feel like. Ever since I was born, China has been growing at a steady annual rate of 8-10%. However, for now, the structure of social class, the appearance of the city, and the extent to which democracy is authentic are close to being determined. And my life has barely started. Although I'm young and sexually and materially motivated, my life has barely started. And if someone intrudes my room to learn what vitality and disorientation a young person's way of life might bring, he'll definitely see the exact opposite. I'm still, like I was six months earlier, sitting in front of the computer screen and periodically refresh the NUS portal for good or bad news in the college application, while the teapot whose cover was broken when I was six and the bottles of chili and pepper powder standing in juxtaposition, and the Nike+ Fuelband I purchased at my uncle's farm three months ago have all remained in the same radius of 5 meters for as long as they've existed to me. The only thing from which I glance at the flowing of time is the construction site whose progress has accelerated - now I can see bunches of steel bars and red, floor-like material that would function as someone else's ceiling in the future, and weeks ago they were demolishing the frame they've probably, wrongfully built.
There was a draft I wrote early this morning in my iPhone but now I couldn't find it - it was about my queer denunciation of the need of having sex, and the act of continuing despite the obvious redundancy. I was always unusually sexist after masturbation, thinking the female structure pathetic and dilapidated, and the hole ostentatiously grown. But it was only because my inability to contain my own animalistic personality that I blame everything on the female. Although I understand my existence is predicated upon having sexual intercourse, my blatant refusal to do the same as my parents have done is to demonstrate my self-contrived superiority over the rest of human being, while at the same time depending my vital sign on the pumping of my heart and the boo-hoo of my urination.
I got rid of the Facebook vanity URL after transferring the username to a Page. It's literally the most valuable thing I've done today. And I updated the avatars across all my social media sites. But beyond that, the chitchat exchanged between me and Gao and Yuzi is totally unimaginative.
I don't know when this would end - it'll be so heartwarming if my trip to Germany and Singapore will bring me some content. Although the interest rate of the tuition postponement at the German university is 7.75% and the retribution to this investment is ever so uncertain, I'm still eagerly waiting, like my sister waiting for her marriage and my brother waiting for a promotion that would entitle him to work in an office.
-
I haven't felt thirst in years, I mean it literally because I always fail to relate to those moment when I'm thirsty, or hungry, or sick, or in need of anything. Those moments are only true when they happened, while other, less conspicuous ones, bore me, therefore, impress me. "I'll be eternal because I'll be remembered - I did all the work at the restaurant, though closing down, without asking for extra money, and life is all about being remembered." Said my father sitting on the chair, reversed. But the cooling down of planets and stars not only carries off the livings that cover it, but also the spiritual convictions that are once firmly believed. What is the process of life? I strive for the pursuit of success and the fulfillment of happiness, I yearn for the shadowy landscape, with roads covered with thick layer of leaves that are never walked, in the books so restlessly published, and at the meantime I demand cash, vehicle and a roof above me. Those are the grand stillness I stuff into my soul for consolation - things durable because they seem so, entertainment in the fictional world for it surprises, and settlement in the reality for it sustains, like the office people returning home from work at an evening subway, obsessed with their cellphone because the people around looking at the phone screens are so entirely despicable.
We see life at its most brutal and complex, and we simplify it with stories told by other people - equally brutal, equally complex, but alien. Life still has to move on - it might be the most universal and adamant belief in the world. Just look over there - the kids are walking to their school; the staffs are walking to their company; and the elders are walking to their park…
